he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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