I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
