I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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