if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
