hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm bleeding and have questions
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
