my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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