Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
do herpes really smell.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
