I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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