I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
