you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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