I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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