i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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