The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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