My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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