I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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