So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
