Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
