We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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