Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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