You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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