I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I faked an abortion last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
