It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
