I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize