I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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