your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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