one two three fourrrrnication!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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