Don't you send me to vm
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I want a musical about memes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
