Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize