There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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