When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
