I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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