just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
