im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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