don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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