I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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