i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
