Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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