i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
