I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
