You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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