Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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