I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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