I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
