Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
