Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
