I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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