So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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