So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
