your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
