hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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