Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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