I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
