WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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