So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
