I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
