I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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