FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
