peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
