found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
