Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
