You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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