my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
