p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
