Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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