I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
