is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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