Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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