I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
