Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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