i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
