she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
