So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
