Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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