I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
