As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
tell me about the fingering
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