How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
