I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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