We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
