He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
