All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
