"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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