whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
