Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
