smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
