Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
