im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
