i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
