More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
