i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i think i have herpe
just one?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
