is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
