So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
