Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There are leaves in my underwear?
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