WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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